Fears, Failures, and Flaws

You talk about how when you got to Washington, you just met with so many different agencies and really got to know people. You always emphasize trust when you talk about leadership. Why is this so necessary? And what are the three most important things a leader can do to build trust?

With trust, I think, I mean, as I said before, it's the most important word in any language. In the business world, it's a lubricant for doing business. I mean, personally, it's what having a great relationship is all about. If you don't trust somebody, it's hard to really take it to the next level.

So what are the three ways to build trust? Well, there's a lot of ways, but let me pick out three of them for you. I think the first one, which might seem counterintuitive, is to be vulnerable. And, you know, it's an important skill, how fast can you build trust? One of the things that I've found really helpful, can you build trust over lunch, is actually to be vulnerable and talk about your fears, your failures, and your flaws. I'd say about 99% of the time that the other person will respond, they're probably going to be a little vulnerable to you. Once that happens, that's a magic connection. So I think that's a big one.

I also think about delivering on your promises and make sure that you never make a commitment that you don't follow through with. Because if you look at trust, I look at it as kind of a two pronged thing, it's not only integrity and honest and all of that. I mean, can you trust somebody? But it's also their capability. So somebody might be totally very, very honest, very great, but they just can't get the job done, right? Or somebody can get the job done. They're a superstar, but man, they're not really that honest. So you need both of those. So you have to prove that to the other person.

Is there a third thing that you would throw in there?

Yeah. Third thing, your ability to empathize and put your feet in somebody else's shoes. So a great way to do that, a thing that I just love to do, and is one of my favorite things to do, is when you sit down when you first meet somebody, "Tell me your story from when you were born. Tell me your story." Because everybody has a story, everybody loves to tell their story, and I love to hear the stories. To really understand where somebody is coming from, that builds trust. And you know, chances are that person is going to say, "Tell your story," and that's a magical moment, too. So those would be the three things.