You Can’t Please Everyone

You are a senior executive now, but there was a point when you were a first-time manager, and having to learn the ropes of that. What were some of the biggest struggles, or perhaps even outright failures that you had early on? How did you get through them? And what advice would you have for someone who is managing for the first time?

You know, communication. When I was a first-time manager, I was really afraid of what the person would think about me. I’m a people pleaser by nature, I want everybody to be happy, I want them to like me. And so as a first-time manager, there’s all these thoughts going through your head of, “Gosh, I need to be able to communicate with them in a way that they’re still going to like me,” you know? Or “I’ve got to deliver a tough message, but how do I do this so they’ll still like me?”
And for me, that was hard, that was really hard, because like I said, I’m a people pleaser by nature. So, as a first-time manager, how to hone in on that communication skill where you’ve got to deliver a tough message, but still keep the team engaged. And maybe that tough message is necessary, and maybe they don’t like you, and they leave, maybe that’s okay too, you know?

But how did you overcome that hurdle though, of “I want to be likable, but I have to tell them this tough message.” How don’t you walk that fine line?

You have to decide if they’re worth keeping. Well, you have to decide if they’re what they call a regrettable loss, or not so regrettable loss. And if they’re not so regrettable loss, that’s when those key difficult conversations have to happen. And I will tell you, as a first-time manager, having to drive accountability, those discussions are hard, they’re really, really hard.
And you want to do that in a way that is respectful, they know where you’re coming from, they know where they stand, you know? And being very direct. And when people know where they stand, it goes a long way.
As a first-time manager, I think that was my big failure, was I was too worried about being liked. I wasn’t crisp in my communication, I wasn’t able to tell them exactly where they stand, and either, “here are the goals and objectives you need to meet,” or “we’re going to have to have a different conversation.”
So, how do you drive that conversation, and still make them feel respected and engaged? And if it comes to a point where it’s just not going to work, they come to that decision on their own, and they self-select out. But that again is for me, one of the biggest turning points in being a first-time manager, how do I overcome that hurdle? And that takes training and experience.