Every Red Light Eventually Turns Green

I want to talk a little bit about setbacks, because your career, as we’ve discussed it so far, sounds fabulous. Everything’s been on the upswing. But as we know, everyone experiences this: setbacks, failures, whatever you want to call it. Can you describe a moment when you have had a serious setback, either personally or professionally, and how did you reframe or navigate that setback?

I will be honest with you, Thuy, I always find questions like this really hard to answer because my brain doesn’t register setbacks. And I don’t mean that as a point of pride. I mean, it’s a part of my upbringing. It’s almost like being colorblind and literally not being able to decipher the color purple. I think my brain doesn’t categorize things as serious setbacks, and I think it’s because every red light eventually turns green. And on your path, you don’t think about all the red lights that you hit. You think about what was the terrain you traversed, and then where did you arrive?
And so what I’ll say is. You know, the hardest moments I have had are not, okay, you fell, how do you get back up? I think those are sometimes painful, ouch, you fell, but obvious. You have to get back up. I think sometimes the most complicated setbacks are the ones that are not obvious. Am I in the right context? Do I take a jump or not? Am I in the best place, personally or professionally, to set me up for success, for me to thrive?
And the reason I think these are, you know, “setbacks” in my mind is if you’re not present in the moment, you may not realize that you’re actually in a “setback,” because it’s an unobvious setback that I think can sometimes hold you back.
I was working early in my career on a really cool project, the sort of thing that you would love to, in your 20s, talk about at a cocktail party, so to speak. But it became obvious that the place was not aligned to my values. The way they treated people, what they valued, how they made business decisions. I saw leadership willing to cut deals with people who I didn’t think were respectable.
My boss once invited me to an important meeting, and I was so proud to get to be invited and participate. And on the way walking to that meeting, he said, “Thanks so much for coming, Neda, we really needed a woman in the room, because the main client on the other side is a woman.” I mean, talk about a way to make someone feel five inches tall, right?
And it was not a place that I could thrive. And so that’s not an immediate setback. But it’s these decisions on when do you jump, when do you recognize that you’re maybe not in the right context so that you aren’t further setback that I think are really important and sort of constantly tuning into that, being very present to know, okay, it’s time to pivot adjust, is, I guess, how I would think about it.

You’re the first one who’s actually put it that way. I’ve asked this question of many leaders, so I think that’s a really brilliant answer, a way to kind of frame how you think about things. So, very good advice.